Jokes

WARNING: These jokes are rated PG 10 3/4. Also, 4 out of 5 adults rated them extra cheesy.

Q. What’s the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
A: Use a cowculator.

***

Q: Why was the broom late?
A: It over swept.

***

Q: What is the difference between Brussel sprouts and boogers?
A: Kids don’t eat Brussel sprouts.

***

Q: Know what?
A: Chicken butt.
Q: Know why?
A: Chicken thigh.
Q: Know who?
A: Chicken poo.

***

Q-”How do you catch a gorilla?”
A-”I don’t know. How?”
Q-”You climb up a tree and make a sound like a banana.”
A-”Bananas don’t make sounds.”
Q-”That’s why it’s so funny!”

***

Q. Why couldn’t the 11-year-old get into the pirate movie?
A. Because it was rated R.

***

Q: Whats the difference between between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup!

28 responses to “Jokes

  1. Triston Brownfield

    Here are a few old KU jokes you have probably heard most of them but still funny…..

    Q: How do you keep a Jayhawk out of your yard?
    A: Put up a goal post!

    Q: What do you get if you drive by the KU campus real slow?
    A: A degree.

    Q: What are the best 4 years of a KU student’s life?
    A: The 3rd Grade.

    Q: How do you get a KU graduate off your porch?
    A: Pay him for the pizza.

    Q: Why doesn’t KU have ice on the sidelines?
    A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

  2. Why did the baby strawberry cry?

    Cuz it heard it’s mommy was in a jam.

  3. Here’s a good KU story.

    Several years ago, a star basketball player failed to keep his grades high enough to qualify to play. Facing a must-win, the coach pleaded with the University president for an exemption. After much argument, the president decided that the player could play if he got a single math question correct at center court before the game started. News of this agreement made its way throughout the stands before the game.

    Just before tip-off, the University president called the star player out to center court for his one question as a packed crowd sat eagerly awaiting the result.

    On the PA system, the President asked simply, “What is 2+2?”

    The player answered quickly with “4” upon which the KU crowd immediately let out a collective groan, “Oh, no!!” they exclaimed.

  4. a joke from madeline lycke:

    what sort of a dance do you do in the summer?

    A TAN-go!

  5. Olivia Rothwell

    ha ha those r funny i don’t know any jokes i only know one… Q: Whats the difference between between roast beef and pea soup? A: Everyone can roast beef, but no one can pee soup! hahaha!

  6. i loved your jokes and heres another one

    Q: why is 6 afraid of 7
    A: because seven eight nine

  7. Funny, here is one more

    Q: How many Jahawk fans does it take to eat a rabbit?
    A: Three. One to eat and the other two to watch for cars.

  8. funny, here is one more!!

    Q: How many Jayhawks does it take to eat a rabbit?
    A: Three. One to eat and the other two to watch for cars.

  9. hey lanny,
    i love your jokes! they are so funny!I really like the one about the gorilla
    HaHa
    GO MIZZOU
    -katie

  10. Those jokes are so funny hahaha I can’t choose a favorite! What’s your favorite Lanny M-I-Z-Z-O-U GO MU Lindsey

  11. here is another one
    there were three men they went on a plane when they got on there the 1st man threw a apple out the window then jumped out to get it and found a little boy crying “why r u crying?” “becuz a apple hit me in the head” then the 2nd person threw a banana out the window jumped to get it and found a little girl crying “why r u crying?” “becuz a banana hit me in the eye” the 3rd person threw a bomb out the window jumped out to get it to find a old lady laughing “why r u laughing” he said “becuz i farted then my house blew up” lol hahahahahahahaha miss u bye bye

  12. Q. Why didnt Einstein have a doorbell?
    A. He wanted to receive the NO BELL Prize.

    okay…
    Comment: “Hey man, that smells worse than up dog.”
    Response: “Whats up dog?”
    Comment: “Oh, not much, thanks for asking.”

  13. This isn’t a joke but I think you’ll really like it. Check it out!

  14. Haha, I like your jokes man!

  15. What up man how are you this is Le Var. It was nice to meet you. Hope you you are feeling good today. Let me know how the game ia tomorrow. Keep in touch alright then.

  16. Hey Lanny! Thanks for showing me your website. I’ll come back to visit soon, so put some new stuff on here! Lol! Mrs. Corey

  17. super funny jokes lanny!! love you!!! -Lisa

  18. Q: What’s Bruce Lee’s favorite beverage to drink?
    A: WAAHTAA!!!

  19. Mrs. Gilpatrick

    You ROCK, Lanny! I love the KU jokes!

  20. Hi Lanny!

    It was so fun meeting you today!!! I’m so glad you were able to share an Easter feast with us. I hope you can come over again some time. I think your website is very cool.

    Your friend,

    Nancy

  21. Zoey Rodriguez

    So funny ! :)

  22. Your jokes are really funny. It was very nice to meet you today

  23. Q: What has more lives than a cat?
    A: A frog — it croaks every night.

  24. So Barry Odom passed away and St. Peter is showing him around heaven.

    They come up to a huge mansion, three pool, tennis courts, a beautiful sculpture of a Buckeye and an Ohio State logo is carved in the lawn

    “That home belongs to Coach Meyer” says St. Pete. “God is a huge fan of the football. American, not that round ball crap they play everywhere else”.

    “Oh” Odom replies. “Perhaps I could see some more places and get some decorating ideas?”

    “Aight” pops Pete, and off they go.

    Next place they come across, is absolutely breathtaking. The grounds consume hundreds of acres, spanish moss hangs in lazy, beautiful green over walkways made of crimson marble. Tide pools are spaced by terraced gardens.

    Saint Peter reverently informs the coach that Nick Saban has recently passed away, so Bear Bryant agreed to sublet his summer estate to him.

    Odom is starting to think he knows the pattern and looking to the horizon, he spots the largest “palace” of them all. A brilliant red roofed, white walled, sprawling mansion, cnstructed in the center of golden fields of corn under bluest skies. This one has it’s own stadium, so large the shadow falls on all of the surrounding estates. A tattered “Go Huskers!” Banner waves on the flag pole.

    “That must be Tom Osborne’s home!” Exclaims Odom.

    “Nope” Peter retorts, “THAT IS GOD’S HOUSE!”

  25. Ok. You are 17, so what is the difference between the Rolling Stones and a Scotsman?

    Rolling Stones say “Hey, you, get off of my cloud”

    Scotsmen says, “hey McCloud, get off of my ewe.”

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